I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize