Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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