look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
