Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize