Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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