If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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