My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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