Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
