if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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