i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
