college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
