cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
