John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
