Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
