this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You are the jesus of drinking
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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