Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
