Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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