I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
