need another drink. this is the easiest way
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
