if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
