so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
