people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
