So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
