i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
