our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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