is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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