My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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