this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
