just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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