I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Will you blow on my dice?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize
