put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize