i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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