I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
