I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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