We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
