Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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