I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
