Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
