I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
