Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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