Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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