I don't usually arrange sex via text message
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
