do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
