I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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