Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize