I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
