Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
