It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
