Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
