No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
