My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
