WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize