I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
