i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
