Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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