I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
