Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
whose parrot is this?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
