Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize