Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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