HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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