she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
