Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
