i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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