the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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