NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
