I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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