New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
