I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
