Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
