Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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