I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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