I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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