Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
