I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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