Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
