I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Everclear isn't food dammit
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
